Thursday, 28 February 2013

Adoption Journey: Our Story Pt 1

Most of you know we're adopting, but we haven't really shared they why with too many people. Well, here's our story:
     *this is a lengthy post, I tried to break it up with random pictures, so brace yourselves. I know how to ramble.*

Aww look, that's us, posing amoungst the cows at our wedding. Jason is shielding me, and yelling at the cow because he was trying to tongue kiss me; he's got my back. Anywhoooo, back to the story at hand.  

   We started "trying" for a baby as soon as we were married. We pulled the goalie, but we weren't trying, trying. Just sort of letting the higher powers that be take care of us, and hope that we get pregnant. The months came and went, and nothing, so we decided to "try" a little harder. I started to track my cycles more closely, trying to figure out when I would ovulate in the hopes that if we timed it properly it'd happen. We talked before (well I talked and he agreed, like any good husband hehe) that we would try for a year then see a doctor to see if we needed help. I wasn't really too upset at this point, since we'd only been trying for 6/7 months, and we were looking to buy a the timing probably wasn't right. Then we bought a house, and I got laid off, and I had to take a minimum wage job, and we were doing massive renovations, I kept telling myself that timing just wasn't right, and that it was probably for the best that we weren't pregnant yet, because throwing a child into the mix wouldn't be financially responsible.  
   When I was young one of the things I wanted to be most when I grew up was a wife and mother (once I realized that I, unfortunately would never be a caterpillar). Violinist, doctor and tightrope walker were also among top picks. But I knew in my heart that I would grow up to be a wife and mother, and I planned on being a good one. Jason also grew up wanting and knowing he would be a father some day, which is probably one of the subconscious reasons I was drawn to him. I know he'll be a fantastic father. It was part of my plan to be married and have at least one kid by the time I was 25. (You know, that plan you make when you're like 12) Well, since Jason took his sweet time to propose to me (we seriously talked about getting married longer than one of his cousins dated the man she married four months after we did!) that didn't leave much time to have a baby before I was 25. So I had to alter my plan. I decided that as long as I had a baby while I was 25 that would still be ok, that would still count.
    March came around and we still weren't pregnant, and we'd been trying for close to a year (which I know isn't that long in comparison to some people). Now I was finally starting to panic, my window (which I'd already altered once) was starting to close, so I had to step up my game again. I used ovulation tests for a couple months, to know for sure when I was ovulating. Anyone who has tried for an extended period of time knows what this period is like. Where sex becomes a chore, and you're only doing it to try and get pregnant. It wasn't fun anymore, he would ask, and I would either say, "yeah, we should it's the right time." or, "no, we can't do it yet, we have to wait until tomorrow afternoon, that's optimal time." The best time to do it is in the morning, and you really only have a window of about 8-12 hours, you should do it just before you're supposed to ovulate because then the sperm should be higher up, in the right spot for when you do ovulate. Blah, blah, blah. It was starting to take over, it was all I could think about, and I know I talked about it probably more than I should. April came, then May, Our anniversary was clouded, because we still weren't pregnant, and now my window had closed. The only way that I could have a baby while I was 25 was if I hoped for a premie, and what kind of person would that make me?

D'aww, the first picture of the two of us, aren't we so sweet and innocent looking. This was over 7 years ago!

Jason and I began dating a month before my 19th birthday, when we were both doing a victory lap year in highschool, so I guess that technically makes us highschool sweethearts? We met at a New Year's party, that was a typical highschool party, drunk people making out all over the place haha. Jason and I were pretty much the only ones managing to keep our clothes on, even though our intoxication levels were fairly high. At one point in the night I remember saying to him, "I have no one to lay on, and you have no one to lay on you, so I'm just going to lay on you, okay?" I clearly didn't wait for an answer and just plopped my head on his lap. Then later on he asked me if it would be okay if he kissed me at midnight. Well, needless to say that hooked me, how polite! One of the things that kept me coming back to Jason was that he listened, he actually cared about what I was saying - even though we talked about the most ridiculous things. He was one of the most loving, kind, generous people I'd met and it wasn't long before I knew he was "the one". Granted at 19, most people don't take you seriously when you say this is the person you're going to marry. Jason opened me back up, and taught me that it's ok to trust, he helped me through a lot, and I helped him through some things. We talked, to each other, and better yet, we listened.
   May was a very rough month for us, especially me. My window had closed, and everywhere I turned there was a pregnant person, or a new mom. My breaking point was when I saw a man who looked like he was 7months pregnant and I called Jason in hysterics, demanding to know why this man could be pregnant, and I couldn't. Basket case doesn't even begin to describe how ridiculous I was acting. That incident sort of snapped me back to reality, but the whole time Jason was there, supporting me, letting me breakdown because he knew it's what I needed, then helped me when I was ready to pick the pieces back up again. For the second time I had to change the plan for my life. I told myself as long as I get pregnant while I'm still 25 all is well.
    We'd been trying for a year now, so we could at least make an appointment to see if things were working right. If you've tried for a long time to get pregnant, you know all about the "knows best" people. The people who are trying to make you feel better by saying things that in all actuality make you want to roundhouse kick them to the ovaries Chuck Norris style. They say things like, "you're still young." "it'll happen when it happens" "it's all part of God's plan", or one of my personal favourites, "just stop trying." Then there's the ones who try to give you advice, because a friend of a friend of a cousin of a sister-in-law got pregnant as soon as they stopped caring. Well guess what people, I stopped caring, I stopped tracking, I threw my hands up in the air, and said, "Jesus take the wheel" a la Carrie Underwood. I kept asking these people at what point is it safe to say it's not going to "happen when it happens", or how long do we let it go before we're not "still young". You're never too young to seek fertility help. I know when people say those things, they're trying to make us feel better, but they don't. It's better just to not say anything, and nod along when we're telling you how frustrated we are.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for posting your adoption story Rebecca. Looking forward to reading Part 2. I can relate to feeling stressed/anxious about getting older and wanting to start a family. When I was younger I thought that I would be married and have at least 1 kid by the time I turned 30; currently those things are nowhere in sight. People also tell me just to relax and take life as it comes, which is well-meant but irritating as hell at times. Stay strong cousin!