Adoption Journey: The Call

It's funny that when you're really excited and wanting something to happen, time seems to slow down, the clock appears to stop - or sometimes it even seems to go backwards. Like the last day of school, or Christmas Eve. But, then like summer break, or Christmas day; it finally comes but then that bloody clock speeds right up and it's over in a blink of an eye. That's how this whole adoption process has seemed to go. When we started the process back in January it seemed like it would be forever before we were done all the paper work and approved, and that it was beyond wishful thinking that we would get a placement by the end of the year. Then we were officially approved and I thought I knew what joy was.

Then we had our meeting with the placement worker. She went over all of our selections we'd made, (you know the 6 page book where we had to rate aspects of a child that we'd be okay/not okay with) making sure we didn't want to make any changes. She said that because of how open and willing we were to take a child with pretty much any sort of background, and the fact that I was at home, we most likely wouldn't have to wait too long. That was Friday, October 4. She said that October and November are usually their busiest months with placements so I just knew that we would have a child by the end of the year like we'd prayed for. 

People always seem to remember where they were for life changing events. You ask someone where they were for the moon landing, or 9-11 or Miley Cyrus twerking and they'll all be able to tell you. Here's what my day looked like the day it changed forever. Wednesday, October 9, five days since we met with the placement worker. I was on my way in to a massage appointment when Jason called me. I remember hearing the nervousness in his voice as he told me about a baby girl that had been born that day that they had called him about. Hearing the uncertainty as he told me it was a risky situation because they'd never worked with the birth family before, so they didn't really know what to expect. But most of all, I remember hearing the joy in his voice, that this precious newborn baby girl could be ours. Neither of us cared that both sides of her family are riddled with mental health issues, that there are substance abuse issues with her birth parents, or that there's probably a 50/50 chance that she could go back to the birth-mom (or someone in her family). All we heard is there's a baby girl that needs love, and there's a chance she'll grow to call you Mama and Daddy, and that was good enough for us. We knew that we were signing up for a long road of ups and downs, and that after we loved and raised this sweet girl for a year she could end up going to some member of her bio family which would obviously be heart breaking. But how could we say no, when there is even a slight chance that we could get to keep her forever.

(we finally get to fill in those dotted lines)

After my massage we had a phone conference with the placement worker to go over all the information they currently had. About birth-mom and the little bit they knew about her family, what they know about bio-dad. How many access visits the family wants/gets, an estimate of how long we can expect it to take if we do get to legally adopt her. She said there was a possibility of us getting to meet her Thursday, but she would be discharged Friday and we would either get to pick her up from the hospital, or her worker would drop her off at our house. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! The next thing to do was head to Babies R Us. Ok, so anyone who knows me, knows I have a serious problem when it comes to all things baby. Jason would back away in fear from the look I got in my eye whenever I found out a friend was pregnant, mostly because he knew it would end with me coming home with at least one or two things for myself when I went shopping for them hehe. So, unleashing me unsupervised in a baby store mere hours after finding out I was about to become a mother - probably not the best idea. But, I did quite well. All I went in the store for was a change pad & cover, a crib sheet and some bottles, and miraculously that's all I came out with. (I did have about 6 different pieces of cute clothes, but I somehow found the willpower to put them back.) It was a new kind of experience being in a store shopping for myself.

The next stop I had to make was to our friends house so they could unload an unhealthy amount of baby paraphernalia on me. I came away laden down with five giant totes full of all sorts of baby girl goodies. Good thing we already traded in our coolness for a mini-van because I came away from there looking like I'd just moved out. I had a ton of fun sorting through all the clothes, although the house looked like an episode of Hoarders after I was done. By then it was bedtime, but there was no way I was going to be able to sleep (Jason had absolutely no problem accomplishing that) I had 9 months of nesting to cram into two days, and an ass-ton of laundry to do. So as I lay awake in the spare bed listening to the whack, whack, whack of all the snaps on all the baby clothes (seriously those bloody things are like all snaps) I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by a sense of peace and immense happiness. I thought I knew joy.


You can find our other adoption posts here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Adoption Journey: Assessment #1

We had our first home assessment last Tuesday, and  again we were a little over-prepared for what was needed. Nothing like working ourselves into a frenzy. We cleaned the house better than it's ever been cleaned. We borrowed Jason's parents new water vacuum, which is amazing! Seriously, it's like magic. It doesn't have a filter but the water sucks everything up. It was pretty great, and made our house smell so fresh. They had given us a checklist of what our house needed in order to pass, and we were a little worried because we hadn't done everything on the list, but she didn't really seem to care, hooray! She started of by taking a (super) quick tour of the house, she didn't even really go in any rooms, just sort of poked her head in them. Which was kind of frustrating because we did a fair few changes to things because they were on the checklist, and she didn't even look at them or notice them. She missed our laundry room all together haha. Then we sat at the table and went over some more paperwork (our insurance stuff, the dogs immunizations, police checks, etc) then we got to talking. She went over the rest of the house checklist, and all we have to do to pass completely is make sure the pulls for the blinds aren't hanging down, install the floors in the kitchen & dining room, and do up a fire escape plan and post it. (Which seems rather silly since we're wanting a baby - I don't know too many babies that can read. But it's the same rules whether you're getting a baby or a 10 year old) We also have to make sure we have baby gates installed at the top and bottom of our stairs by the time of placement. (As well as get all the other baby stuff we may need - crib, car seat, stroller, etc) Another thing we need to have by the end of our assessments is who we would want to have as guardians of our children...which is tough. Especially since we don't have any idea what sort of issues the child may posses, and that has a bearing on who we'd want to have as their guardians.
    Then we talked a bit about our personalities, and how we'd describe each other, which is always fun to hear, how your spouse views you.

(my shy & quiet husband hanging from a tree)

My favourite question of the day, (in regards to our infertility) "why did you choose to adopt, versus remaining childless?" Remaining childless wasn't even an option for me, like I said before, I feel like it's my purpose to be a mother. Jason responded with, "I dunno, I just really want a munchkin I guess." Hahaha, I died a little trying to suppress the laughter. She asked us when we planned on telling the child they were adopted, and I resisted the urge to say we'd make that their 16th birthday present, because not everyone loves our sarcasm...and we fully intend on telling them from the very beginning. She asked us about how we'll deal with questions the child may have about their past, and their family. I told her it was rather hard to answer this far out, everything is situational and needs to be age appropriate, so how are we supposed to know now, what we'll say to them then. Then she told us we would have to tell them everything about their past...even if they were sexually abused, and don't remember, because it's easier for them to hear it from us, rather than read it in their file when they're able to. Which I understand, but holy cow, not really a conversation I'm looking forward to having (not that we may need to), and which age would you drop a bombshell like that on someone?
   We went over the nine pages of what type of child we be okay with getting. They literally cover everything under the sun that could potentially affect the child (or does affect them). We were pretty open to all things, and it's hard to rate a lot of them because we want a baby, and things like mood disorder, or autism, or schizophrenia aren't going to present themselves until later. We both preferred going over the list with her, because she helped clarify a number of them. We're being pretty open to getting a call on anything, there were only a few things we said we would say no to, because we'd take more info on pretty much any baby they called us about haha.  She asked us about our priorities and our values, and our interests, and it's hard to not sound corny or lame when you're spouting them off. Then we booked our next two assessments (she likes to combine the interviews into one so there are actually only 3 woot!), and before we knew it the assessment was over! We think it went well, she never stopped the meeting and said, "well, you're not really what we're looking for" so we take that as a pass. Plus she booked the final assessment with us, so she had to have at least kind of liked us.
  In case you're wondering how Kai behaved...she supervised the whole time...

(You can read about our fertility struggles and our decision to adopt: part 1, part 2, and part 3)